apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
