is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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