do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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