what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
