At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
