I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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