You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
