I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
