so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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