Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize