so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Send help, water and tortillas.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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