I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
