I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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