Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
