OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
