From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
