Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
