First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
