Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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