No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
