i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
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The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
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Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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