Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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