Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
