i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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