Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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