You're a womanizer and a bitch.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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