You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Randomize
