New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So apparently I’m into choking now
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