is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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