What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
