i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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