And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
