i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
