And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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