remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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