Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
