So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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