I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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