I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
