I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
people are starting to question the shark bite story
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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