we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
