if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
