if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
