either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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