I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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