I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize