It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
try to milk me bitch
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
