saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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