U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
