kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
