I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
