I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i think i just lost a toe
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
