So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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