How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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