I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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