4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
