Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Let the clothes fall where they may.
where are my eyebrows?
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