Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
