Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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