I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
