she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
