you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
