We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
