I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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