We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
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You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
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Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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