I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
